Many runners believe that there are two types of bandits—those who are bandits at the Boston Marathon and those who are bandits everywhere else.

There is no excuse to run as a bandit at a race other than the Boston Marathon. Pay your entry fee or stay off the course.

Many runners justify running the Boston Marathon as a bandit, citing the strict qualifying standards. These unofficial runners blend in with the legitimate runners and run the course, leaving just before the race ends. As you saw in the third circle, there are other ways to enter the field as a nonqualifier, most notably as part of a charity group or by being famous. If you must run Boston, do it as a charity runner or try kissing up to Dave McGillivray in a magazine article (still waiting for your call, Dave!).

A bandit is a bandit, regardless of the race.

The inner circles

Infractions in the inner circles are things that even nonrunners find repulsive. Nonobsessed runners are filled with anger when hearing of these violations. Obsessed runners are filled with a level of hatred usually reserved for Pauly Shore movies.

The seventh circle—the hazardous driver

Whether it is during a race or just when somebody is out on a training run, the hazardous driver actually endangers peoples’ lives. Anybody who has run a marathon likely has had a close call with an anxious driver trying to cut across a side street. Anybody who trains on the road has numerous close calls each year.

As a runner, you need to be extra cautious and show extra concern toward fellow runners that you encounter when you are driving. Show them all the same courtesy, respect, and safety that you expect to receive when running. And this courtesy should apply to all people, even bicyclists.

Everyday people driving like idiots around runners are terrible. Runners driving like idiots around runners rightfully end up in the seventh circle.

The eighth circle—the cheater

It’s hard for me to believe that people would cheat while running a marathon; it’s even harder for me to believe that veteran runners would cheat, but I guess it’s human nature.

Cheating most likely occurs at every race. High-profile examples include Rosie Ruiz in the 1980 Boston Marathon and Jean’s Marines at the 2005 Marine Corps Marathon. It is unfortunate, but when given the opportunity to cheat and achieve a better finishing time, a certain portion of the population will do just that.

Stories of veteran marathon runners who cheat circulate through the running community, with apparently no race officials catching on to the action. In our

current litigious society there is probably very little race directors can do to call out a cheater without opening themselves to a hefty lawsuit. We can only hope that those runners end up here in the eighth circle.

The ninth circle—the vacation scammer

Anytime you race in an exotic or fun location you will see them: hordes of runners wearing matching shirts, running in support of a charity. Heroes to some, villains to others, their effect cannot be understated. One large group has raised $850 million through its fund-raising efforts, centering on marathons and other endurance events.

Most charity runners have the right intentions, wanting to sacrifice of themselves to help raise money. For those of you who fall into this category, I applaud your effort, and you have done nothing to end up in the ninth circle. Quite the opposite is true, as you will see in the “runners’ heaven” segment below.

However, there are a certain number of runners who use a charity group to get their friends and coworkers to pay for their vacations. These people deserve the scorn and shame not just of the running community but of humanity as a whole.

This is charity running’s dirty little secret, and one that you can’t say out loud or you will be accused of being uncaring, hateful, and anticharity. Listen,