As I might have learned during my junior high Frenchclasses of the time, plus ca change, plus ca meme chose.

There are other intriguing eternalities. Bob Glover didn’t pen any of the excerpts above, but he is in the book, offering a chapter on “The Importance of a Base.” While them is fightin’ words in some circles today among novice-marathoner trainers, Glover, to his credit, continues to write much the same words in his current offerings.

Also abiding is Americans’ fervent faith in technology. Runner’s World Daily recently filed a breathless dispatch on Nike’s plans for individually customized shoes, “smart” running gear, even “zero-weight” flats. (Leave it to the avatar of sport marketing to be able to sell nothing for something, or more likely, quite a lot.) Underlying these and similarly urgent stories is the promise that soon, soon, technology will finally make running the breeze it should be.

The 1979 version of this gospel reads, “Pony Sports & Leisure, Inc., has a prototype shoe that uses air pumped into the sole through a small valve in the rear. The foot is supported onacushion of air.” Running on air— imagine the possibilities! Lest we think that such Jetsonesque gadgetry is merely the product of a technophile’s feverish imagination, the book adds, reassuringly, “The shoe is being developed by former Israeli Olympian Dr. Gideon Ariel.”

The book often mentions a wellknown marathoner, with “a friendly,

May/June 2000

fun-loving personality, seemingly unaffected by his recent running successes.” It’s nice to see that the legend of Bill Rodgers, arguably still the most famous runner in America, hasn’t changed a bit.

A LAUGHABLE PAST

Puncturing the follies of the past is always cheap work. For those in the present whose words have been committed to perpetuity, it’s downright dangerous—something that we live and die by today is bound to be the biggest of pifiatas for the commentariat of the future. (“You see class, back in 2000, the prevailing theory was that marathon performance was determined by one’s nasal breathing capacity; therefore, many runners paid many dollars for strips that broadened their nostrils.”) But then, I work cheaply, so let’s have at it.

Page 159: “Never, never try tocomplete amarathon without taking on liquids. Drink water, beer—an athletic beverage like Gatorade or ERG, whatever you want.” Page 53 (and similarly throughout): “Do not run further than 20 miles [in training].” Page 82: “Since most marathons are started in the morning, the most practical solution to the pre-run feeding problem is to eat your last meal during the evening. That way you’ll come to the starting line with an empty stomach.” Page 97: “Cold water, rather than sugar solutions, is the preferred beverage.”

Why is the marathon so tough? Page 152: “Physiologists have not

ON THE ROAD WITH SCOTT DOUGLAS m 9

agreed on what the Wallis. Some have said it is due to low blood sugar or the accumulation of lactic acid. Others have speculated that it may be due to dehydration or high body temperature. Andstill others have said that the Wall is due to a loss of blood volume or a depletion of muscle glycogen. Most runners feel it’s the latter. No one, however, really knows.”

And, from page 106, here’s some sartorial advice for the next cold spell: “T experience adequate cold protection when training between —25 degrees and —35 degrees effective temperature wearing cotton underwear, lined support, nylon shorts, heavy Tshirt, hooded cotton sweat suit, nylon top, leather ski mittens and goggles, heavy socks, and leather or nylon shoes. Nylon is very effective in its windproofing qualities and is particularly adept at minimizing the variable chill factor associated with fluctuating air currents.”

Okay, advances in nutrition knowledge and fabrics easily explain why some of these quotes sound more like they’re from another age than just a few presidencies ago. The go-ahead on quaffing a few brews during a marathon, for example, brings to mind ultra legend Arthur Newton, writing in 1935 about drinking brandy with four miles to go in a 54-miler: “I am convinced that there are times such as these when spirits . . . are of real benefit.”

Others, though, are just plain wacky; like biblical scholars, we’ re left guesstimating the concerns of a lost culture by extrapolating from

enigmatic texts. “Be careful where you run,” we’re told on page 134. “You should, at least, learn how to pick your way among the potholes and sidestep any beer cans that may be littering your path.” A line drawing on page 145 has the caption, “In the solitude of training, you can work out your problems.” The drawing consists of a runner sitting, deep in thought. Behind him are sketches of what must be his primary concerns—money, relationships, children, and aconstant in mostrunners’ stream of consciousness, his tennis stroke. Unfortunately, the book doesn’t detail how to stay focused enough to sidestep beer cans and simultaneously get some contemplative work done on your backhand.

The prohibition against too-long long runs, although continually repeated, is never really explained. “You are not torun more than 20 miles when training,” page 26 commands. “In this book we have plans to get you ready for a marathon. But these plans don’t include runs longer than 20 miles in preparation for the marathon. You are still a novice at this idea of marathon running. You’ ll just have to trust the experts at Consumer Guide magazine.”

The taboo becomes all the more mysterious given regular warnings like, “During the last six miles you’ re going to find yourself pushed to what seems your ultimate limit. You will need to call on all your resources— mental, physical, spiritual.” Even more ominously, page 74 reads, “There is no way to conceive how long

May/June 2000

the last five miles can be until you have completed a run of this length.” I hope to unearth Consumer Guide magazine’s “Complete Book of Play Production.” It no doubt stipulates, “Under no circumstances before opening night are you to stage a full dress rehearsal,” while noting, “There is no way to know how your cast and crew will perform until the curtain is drawn.”

So, 21-milers before your first marathon are out. Twenty-milers, however, are apparently not that big a deal. In the spirit of its time, the book prescribes a one-week taper, the focus of which is the classic approach to carboloading, depletion included. That is, our novice marathoner runs 20 (and not a step more!) on the Sunday before a Saturday marathon. Having done the longest run of your life six days before the debut marathon, you are to avoid carbs Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. (“Medium” runs are called for Monday and Tuesday.) Wednesday and Thursday are easy runs, with plenty of carbs, followed by a very easy run Friday, still with plenty of carbs. Saturday is race day. (As we’ve seen, it’s best not to eat anything that day so that you can start the race with an empty stomach.)

The experts at Consumer Guide magazine, however, know that this can be a hard plan to follow. The challenge isn’t running your debut marathon six days after your longest-ever run. Rather, “since the process of staying depleted is usually somewhat difficult, a modified carbohydrateMay/June 2000

loading procedure is often recommended for the first-time marathoner.” This plan adopts the current conventional wisdom of dropping the depletion phase and concentrating on carb intake, but with a wonderful bit of tree/forest confusion: if you’re going to skip the no-carb days, then do that last 20-miler on the Tuesday before your debut marathon on Saturday. At least you won’t have to fret about lost fitness during all three days of your taper.

A LAUDABLE PAST

To be fair, I should note that the book allows some marathoners to go more than 20 miles in training. The back cover promises, “The experienced runner will find plenty of new insights on improving performance and moving from also-ran to winner.” One such insight, offered in the section concerning second marathons, is, “Research suggests that a 2.5- to 3-hour run occasionally—maybe three times or so in the three months prior to the run— may be advantageous.” (Naturally, why only those who are already in the marathoning club will benefit from these runs isn’t explained.) Speed work, too, is recommended, but with the caveat not to do more than three interval workouts a week. After all, as the book so precisely puts it, “Interval work can drive you up the wall.”

Again, it’s always easy to mockold texts. (Have I mentioned the full-page drawing that recommends running on laundry for two hours, a la Emil